Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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