if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
