And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
