You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
