If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
