Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize