I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
