Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize