dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
