glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
50% drunk capacity currently
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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