We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
