butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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