last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
