and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
