Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm both gender and math confused
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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