can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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