she woke up with a sticky ear
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
