So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
