I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
