we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize