whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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