i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
