i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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