How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize