I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
