I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
