Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
