why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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