I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
