I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
