i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
