He kissed a someone with a penis
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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