hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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