There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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