hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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