Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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