I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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