It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
