Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
