That's intense
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
