guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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