I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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