after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
