wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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