Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
two words...techno handjob
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
