I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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