I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
