i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
