Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
