i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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