I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
