I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
