I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
