What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
