you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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