the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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