what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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