this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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