i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
