I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
