My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
