I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
