is your mom at the bar?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I AM VODKA MAN
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
