The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize