Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
