She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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