She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
