I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize