32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
