I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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