There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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