I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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