My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Two words: blizzard sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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