if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize