two words: eviction party
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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