I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
