He uses pillows to masturbate.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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