woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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