i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
